Give yourself some privacy. Confessions can, unfortunately, cause emotions to flare. Don’t open yourself or your confessor up to embarrassment by, for example, confessing in a crowded restaurant.
Here’s an example of a confession that sounds disingenuous: “Hey, Frank, I broke your trumpet. Sorry! Guess I don’t know my own strength!” This confession doesn’t seem to come from a place of sincere regret - by trying to keep the mood light, the speaker sacrifices the integrity of his confession. A better approach would be something like: “Hey, Frank. Listen, I have some bad news. I accidentally broke your trumpet. I’m so sorry. I know how important it was to you. " We don’t only maintain facades when we deal with other people. We also routinely lie to ourselves about our true motivations. Be completely open and honest with your internal thoughts - why did you do the bad things you did? Don’t make any excuses for yourself if you don’t have any.
Don’t beat around the bush. If you’re confessing for saying nasty about a friend behind his or her back, don’t try to ease into the subject by, for instance, talking about how catty the characters in the movie Mean Girls are. It’s much better to just say, “I was mad that you didn’t invite me to go camping, so I told Jen that you hate her. I’m really, really sorry. It was seriously petty of me to ruin your friendship. " Be prepared to weather the anger or grief of the people you’ve wronged. If you’ve seriously hurt someone, don’t be surprised if they react to your confession by getting angry, crying, or shouting. The emotions surrounding a confession can be very painful. Know that, no matter how bad things get during a confession, by coming clean you’re making things better in the long run than if you had allowed this person to continue without knowing the truth about things.
For instance, if you sat in silence as a classmate took the blame for the senior prank that you planned, when you confess to the principal, to exonerate the innocent party (your classmate) and to ensure that the guilty party (you) receive justice, you’ll need to correct the “official” version of events.
For instance, if you sat in silence as a classmate took the blame for the senior prank that you planned, when you confess to the principal, to exonerate the innocent party (your classmate) and to ensure that the guilty party (you) receive justice, you’ll need to correct the “official” version of events.
Never blame your victim while you’re confessing. If you’ve “borrowed” a little money out of someone’s purse, don’t say something like “I’m sorry I took your money, but I only did it because you wouldn’t buy me those shoes I liked. "
Unfortunately, in some cases, the people you’ve wronged might not forgive you. If you’ve hurt someone multiple times or you’ve done something especially egregious, they’re justified in withholding their forgiveness. In this case, it’s not enough to say you’re sorry - show them that you’re truly repentant by changing your behavior.
Remember that confession doesn’t “wipe the slate clean. " Don’t return to your old bad behavior. A confession should be used not just for forgiveness, but also for growth, so be sure to move forward, away from your bad deeds, not backward.
Remember that confession doesn’t “wipe the slate clean. " Don’t return to your old bad behavior. A confession should be used not just for forgiveness, but also for growth, so be sure to move forward, away from your bad deeds, not backward.
Never try to lie to a judge or police officer to avoid a confession. This is a crime. By making these lies, you make your eventual punishment even worse.
Never try to lie to a judge or police officer to avoid a confession. This is a crime. By making these lies, you make your eventual punishment even worse.
This being said, don’t twist your love for your partner into an excuse for your actions. “I kept this information from you because I love you” isn’t a justification for your behavior. If you haven’t been honest to your partner, you’ve hurt them. Period.
While it’s very important to be forthcoming about what you’ve done, it’s possible to cause unnecessary pain by giving too much detail in your confession. If, for instance, you’ve committed an act of infidelity, you should be honest about who was involved and when the event occurred, but you shouldn’t go into a detailed play-by-play of the day’s events unless you’re asked to - this information can be very painful for your partner to hear. Think of a romantic confession as a particularly difficult way of updating your partner on the state of your relationship. You can’t have a healthy relationship that’s open to growth if both partners have different ideas about what’s happening in the relationship.
While it’s very important to be forthcoming about what you’ve done, it’s possible to cause unnecessary pain by giving too much detail in your confession. If, for instance, you’ve committed an act of infidelity, you should be honest about who was involved and when the event occurred, but you shouldn’t go into a detailed play-by-play of the day’s events unless you’re asked to - this information can be very painful for your partner to hear. Think of a romantic confession as a particularly difficult way of updating your partner on the state of your relationship. You can’t have a healthy relationship that’s open to growth if both partners have different ideas about what’s happening in the relationship.
The time after a confession can be tense and awkward for both partners. It can even, depending on the severity of your wrongdoing, be marked by real sadness. When you apologize for damaging your relationship, it can be wise to apologize for the hard times your confession will cause in the near future.
Let’s hypothetically say that you make a sincere confession to your partner about an act of infidelity you’ve committed. Suppose your partner says that s/he would like to “take a break” from your relationship. Even if this is very difficult for you, you need to humbly honor your partner’s wish. After all, the relationship is as much your partner’s as it is yours. If one partner wants to end a relationship or make a serious change to it, the other partner has no right to force him or her not to.
Let’s hypothetically say that you make a sincere confession to your partner about an act of infidelity you’ve committed. Suppose your partner says that s/he would like to “take a break” from your relationship. Even if this is very difficult for you, you need to humbly honor your partner’s wish. After all, the relationship is as much your partner’s as it is yours. If one partner wants to end a relationship or make a serious change to it, the other partner has no right to force him or her not to.
